Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
