i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
