Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
