A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
