hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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