When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
