I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
