I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
