I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
