i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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