Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
