what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
