she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
