I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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