Pants 0. Shit 1.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
