it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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