He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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