I just cut my nipple shaving
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
