can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
