Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
