i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
