I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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