dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
