We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
