I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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