I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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