Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
