Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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