dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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