I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
