i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
