you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
