So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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