I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
