i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
