so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
