Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I supernannyed him into submission
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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