My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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