beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
