Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Even my vagina gasped.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
