What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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