Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
