You're so nebulous sometimes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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