My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
