don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
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