nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
