Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
