Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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