I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
