i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
