worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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